The Author Exerts Her Epistolary Prerogative

Thanks to Liz, Natasha, and Rebecca, I am presented with temptation, thusly:

Dear Giles,

Lighten up a bit. God knows it's not going to get any better. And no, it's not your fault. Listen to Elisabeth, that's why I sent her to you, for heaven's sake.

And I am sorry you ran out of the good tea. I will get Elisabeth to buy you some.

Love,
Lisa

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Dear Elisabeth,

If you whine too much people will think I'm bratty and self-serving, and I won't get any good reviews. On the other hand, bratty and self-serving people like good reviews, too! Okay, okay, abandoning the Schroeder and Lucy references to get down to cases. You will figure it out eventually, so relax; meanwhile, give Giles a good time, and our work will be complete. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaa.

Love,
Lisa

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Dear Spike,

Honestly, I like you better than Patmore, I really do. Don't mind Elisabeth, she's had a difficult day. I mean, really: if Patmore had ever tried to rhyme "effulgent," I might have some affection for him, but I doubt it. You, on the other hand, are one of a kind -- isn't that what you want? Oh yeah: and it would really go better all around if you'd just admit to that little G.P. you have for Rupert. I'm just saying.

I'd offer you love, but I know you'd turn up your nose at it. So...

With the respect of an armed detente,
Lisa

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Dear Rankin,

I have not forgotten about you. I promise I have no intention of leaving you in prison for a literal eleven years. Anyway, when you get out -- have patience with yourself, you'll be fine. Listen to Helen, she won't B.S. you. But do remember you have wisdom too; don't let her steamroller over you all the time, especially if you know you're right.

All my affection,
Lisa

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Dear Helen,

Put down that bloody Franklin planner and go get some ice cream. I can't watch you do this to yourself.

Now.

Your affectionate Author

P.S. I really, really did not make you a Virgo on purpose. So you cannot claim exemption from your responsibility to lighten up.

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Hee!