To Add to the Growing List of Wrongnesses in this Wrong-Headed World:

Last night we went to the grocery store, and as we were passing along the cheese, yogurt, and butter case a Parkay container sticking out on a bracket said hello to me and started talking. Which of course caused me to bust a Matthew Perry move in mid-stride and shy away: "Aaaaa!" Listen, it was funny when I was four years old watching the margarine tub on TV open its lid and grunt, "Butter!"; but this is not the 70's anymore. Jessica wonders if the grocery store people are filming their customers' reactions to this little monstrosity that is trying to pass for a cute gimmick. I hope they are. And I hope they are going to put the tape on Candid Camera or some other show, because if they are sitting in the back room all disappointed and concerned that Parkay's bright idea isn't winning new customers, I will just have to...I don't know, bust another Matthew Perry move.